There. I said it. To make a point I could have added ‘!!!!!!’ but I don’t think I need to, so people, please for the love of pancakes, stop asking me why I don’t want to procreate. I know, I know, my boyfriend and I could make “beautiful babies” but you know what? I don’t care. Well, it’s not that I don’t care per se, as in I haven’t thought about it, but the desire to have my own life outweighs any idea to raise a child much less a brood.
By the way, I just read an article in Vogue which stated that the number of women in childbearing years who are choosing NOT to have kids, continues to grow. So, apparently, I am not alone.
Now, this is not to say that I don’t respect those who choose the opposite route I am taking, because I do, as long as they are prepared to nurture, protect and guide them. And remember, I’m adopted, so I am assuming that my own natural mother knew she could not take care of me, so she gave me up and while I may be on the search for from where I came, so I knew who I am, I am grateful for where I am NOW because she loved me that much.
On the other side of the coin, there are so many humans who shouldn’t have children who can’t love them nor care of them the way they should be. For instance, look at our obesity and our starvation situation in the U.S., the cruel number of children in the foster system and those that are left homeless and hungry. And yet, society keeps suggesting, endorsing, nudging, promoting everyone to have kids upon kids. This should NOT be happening.
At least my boyfriend and I agree. It brings us closer together. We have this inside joke. Whenever we see or HEAR a child going through a tantrum, or even just spilling a juice box, we look at each other and say, “Reason number 5″ or “Reason number 101″ or “Reason number 12″. You get my drift. Neither of us have the fire in the belly to have a baby much less have the responsibility, and even more so, the mind set to change our lives to fit around another human being.
And don’t say we are selfish. It is because we are NOT selfish that we have both individually decided we don’t want kids. Whether we are together forever or not, I know for a fact I won’t be having one. First, at my age, there’s no way in hell I want to deal with anything like that. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate kids. I once was one. My mom was an early childhood educator and had me babysitting for numerous summers. All summer long when I was in middle and high school I sat and played with, fed, put down for naps, for bed time, these neighborhood kids. Maybe it is because this overkill with small ones I realized how much I had
a disdain no patience for them. My mother remembers the day I told her that I never wanted children when one of my employer’s children locked us out of the house. Obviously that self-pledge stuck with me.
So, for all of you who join me in this departure from the norm and like me, have faced daily, “WHAT? WHY NOT? BECAUSE …. ” here are some responses you can use. Feel free to use early and often.
You’d make such a good mom.
Really? How do you know? Just because I am a nice person who cares about the environment and animals and my family and friends? That won’t guarantee I’d be a good mom. I mean if I had a gun to my head and was told to paint like Picasso, I’d probably be able to pull off something decent, but why put myself in that situation? I’m fairly certain patience is vital when being a mom and ask anyone who knows me, that’s not a characteristic found in my top 10.
You’d have adorable children, beautiful, and smart!
Yes, yes, yes, I know. Thank you for recognizing a fantasy, because as long as it’s not real, it’s perfect. You see, the reality is, you have ZERO idea (unless you can predict things that have not yet happened, so if you can, please help me choose my stocks) if I would have smart children, beautiful children, and adorable children. Life, especially when there are two people involved, is totally unpredictable. Science, nature, nurture and even the outside environment (like media and access to porn at a young age) can change all of that. So before you tell me how my never to be born children are beautiful and smart, consider the fact that YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
Who will take care of you when you get old?
Well, if I continue to make money, I’m sure I’ll pay someone to. Or I have immediate family now, even a niece and a nephew. If they don’t want to, then I’ll have to hire someone. Big deal. Better than laying a bunch of responsibility on others.
Forty? No, women are waiting until later all of the time. You have plenty of time. People are living longer now.
Ok, so do you really think I want to be 60 with a 20 year old? Do you remember what you were like when you were a teenager? Right. The thought of dealing with someone going through puberty, or learning to drive or even college binge drinking at that age, UGH. This is the time when people are thinking about retirement, traveling freely, buying a bigger home, enjoying life, not being held down with talking about what sexual acts constitute losing your virginity and actually being responsible for what you tell them. So I will live the rest of my life in PEACE (with adventures, but PEACE).
How about grandchildren? Who will you be able to spoil?
I can spoil my significant other any day and I have a niece and a nephew. And in order to have grandchildren, I need to have children, so it’s a moot point. Also, I’ve been around grandparents and their grandchildren. It can be wonderful, but can still be a pain in the ass. Kids are EXHAUSTING.
Is it about money?
Let’s be real. Braces, clothing, school, college, cars, experiences, trips, vacations, XBox, iPhones, games, toys, they all cost mucho dinero. How my parents survived with four kids way back in the day is beyond me. We didn’t grow up with a lot of money, but then again, we didn’t have high-tech luxury items, $100 Air Jordans to buy every week along with downloading every song the latest AI winner spits out. But no, it’s not about the money only. I can tell you though, where I am in my life, after working really hard since graduation, every dollar counts: Toward retirement.
Don’t you want to share your life with a FAMILY?
If I choose to get married again, then we will be a family. Three isn’t necessary to make a loving family unit, two does in my book. And I’m sure we’ll get a dog or two. That will be our family, the two of us plus our four legged friends.
What about your legacy?
My legacy will be me sharing my time, my treasure, and my talents with dozens of charities all across the globe, as I have been for two decades. I hope and pray it will continue to thrive and I’ll be able to be in a position to change more lives for the better.
I have an adorable 2 year old niece and she has a brand new baby brother with whom I have yet to make his acquaintance. I love her and I’m sure I’ll love him (even though she’s really damn cute) just as much. I’ve set out to be the cool aunt who travels all over and where ever I go, I pick up a little something for her. She loves Jason more than me, strangely, but I’ll address that with her when she gets a bit older.
And so, life is good. Independence, happiness, love all around and childless. Just the way I want it.
Pamela Lynne Sorensen is the founder of Pamela’s Punch, a leading source of information for the “who, what, when, and where” of Washington, DC’s elite social, professional, and philanthropic scene, which she founded in November of 2006. In 2012 she launched Pacific Punch, based in Los Angeles. Pamela comes from an extensive background in sales and business development from a variety of industries, has been involved with charities and fundraising for a number of years and holds several Board and leadership positions. She currently resides in Arlington, Virginia and when she’s not out on the town, she’s reading or writing while sipping fine wine, or traveling the country and the world ISO adventures, beauty, fun, food, style, libations, music, and the good life. Follow her on Twitter at @pamelaspunch.